found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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