so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
