So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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