So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
