"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
