Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize
