dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
