I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
