I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
