girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
