Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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