I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
