i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
