She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
