party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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