well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
