these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
