you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
