A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
