you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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