There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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