from now on my penis is your penis
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
