I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
