Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
