HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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