Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I will be naked everywhere
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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