we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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