This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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