like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
