there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
