oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
