are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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