I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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