I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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