youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
