I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
