I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
