Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
