the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
