even my farts smell like vagina
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I still have a little drunk in my system
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize