i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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