Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Too much gin, very little bucket
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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