Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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