You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
