So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
