You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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