this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
