Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
is it fun? or sober?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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