I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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