The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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