Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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