Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize