just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
