i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
