shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
