I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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