My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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