Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize