I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Bring me that man meat
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
