the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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