it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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