My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
