Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
