Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
