After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize