What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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