I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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