Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
