if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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